This is just a quick posting more for myself as a reminder or a “log”. I am still always surprised by myself when in the midst of a very busy day I am all of a sudden hit full force “smack”… in the middle of of my face with a memory… sometimes they are sad and sometimes they are happy. Even the sad ones still bring a smile to my face. Memories from so long ago…
Now I have two… yes not one… but TWO darling Yorkshire Terriers, they DO drive me crazy at times especially Bentley, aka “SHREDDER”, but we do adore them and cannot imagine our family life without them now. So to get back, I decided to cook their dinner the other evening and as a treat I was boiling up some ground beef / mince. Actually I was “lightly poaching” it! 😉 I was standing stirring it and all of a sudden I just got that smell. You know the smell of beef being cooked without anything added… instantly I was transported back at least 29 /30 years… to my grandparents home! I can still see them both lovingly doing the exact same thing for their beloved poodle. I remember and could smell that same smell of walking into their home and knowing that this is what they did everyday for such a beloved pet. I suppose it was that act that represented so much more than just making food for a dog, but being an act of total dedication love and commitment for their companion. They used to let it cool down to room temperature in his little bowl on top of the television and then when it was deemed suitable they would hand feed their beloved pooch. As a child seeing that routine did not mean very much to me , it was just part of life but now… that smell! In my own home almost 30 years later, such a wonderful memory trigger. The human brain / body is AMAZING.
The other smell memory trigger is slightly “weird”.
This same grandmother or “OUMA” meaning “old mother”, was a chain smoker! Her whole life! My father used to say to her she should rather just eat the cigarettes as she smoked so many and ate so little. We all knew she would not stop and she always made excuses as to why her nicotine stained walls in her home where that way… “oh it was the neighbours burning their rubbish” or the usual one was “it’s those big trucks and their exhaust fumes”. No one in the rest of the family smoked… well not that anyone owned up to… cousins? 😉
Now all this cigarette smoke permeated everything in her home. She had beautiful things in her home and lovely furniture but boy did it all stink of cigarettes… old stale cigarettes. I had one of those relationships with my grandmother where I think possibly we may have been too alike, this is where I SHUDDER even admitting it! I loved her dearly because she was my grandmother but also because she was such a mysterious woman. She never gave a lot away in the way of her emotions or her feelings and every now and again she would wistfully talk about a time long ago and she would drift off with a little corner of her mouth turned into almost a smile. I would often speak my mind to my grandmother and then I would be “banished” as being that insolent brat and she would not talk to me for weeks on end, until I went and apologised or things just blew over. This happened so many times that I just cannot care to remember. I still had an unusual relationship with her and I loved her deeply. I moved away to England and hated the fact that for the few times I went back to visit I always thought that this would be the last time I saw her… she continued to suck on those “life saving” cigarettes to a ripe old age! She loved raspberry Lindt chocolate that she had acquired a taste for whilst visiting and touring around Italy with my Aunt. She always spoke so tenderly of that and as it was impossible at that stage to get in South Africa as well as the UK ( for some strange reason they never imported it here, the raspberry one that is), so each time we went over to Europe or friends went over I would always look out for that Raspberry Lindt chocolate. I never went back without any bars. It was her second vice after cigarettes. I only realised after she died when we were clearing out her home how much that meant to her. I found next to her bed in her bedside drawer at the back, a book with addresses etc in. In the middle of it was every postcard that I had ever sent her together with all the empty Raspberry Lindt Chocolate wrappers! Yes she kept them all. A couple of months after she passed away they started importing the Raspberry Lindt Chocolate Bars here in the UK and I remember so clearly seeing it for the first time that it just took my breath away and brought a tear to my eye. I phoned my father as soon as I got home to tell him.. “I can now get Raspberry Lindt Chocolate here”… too late…!
Ok so that was not the point there… I got side tracked… the Raspberry Lindt had nothing to do with the smell of memories… it was actually the cigarette smoke. After my grandmother passed away she had all this furniture that no one wanted. I had always from a young child loved her dining room table and whenever I went over I would lovingly polish this table and the chairs. I have no idea why a child of 8 would fall so in love with a dining table and chairs? My grandmother had always said that the table would be mine one day. And so it came that the table and chairs made the long journey back to England together with my grandmother’s headboard, side tables, lounge sofa and 2 wing back chairs. Also 2 very old tins full of buttons… yes… BUTTONS… I just could not bare for all her things to be disposed of even if they were “only” buttons. I had the dining chairs recovered and the table took so much elbow grease to restore the shine. The side table have been updated and I use them in my bedroom. The headboard took so much detergent and oil etc to remove the nicotine stains and smell from the wood! It did work in the end…then the 2 wing back chairs… they are still in their original bright red velour upholstery… (it helps that I adore red!)… I have not had the money to reupholster them… but…I don’t know if I can eventually… They stand proud in my lounge facing the fireplace and we have people come and go… sit on them chat and have had a few Christmas drinks around them, yet no one knows about these special chairs… they STILL smell of my grandmother! Most times I do not even notice them but every so often I charge through the lounge to get to the laundry and I am hit with that smell… of my grandmother’s cigarette smoke and of her home and I am left feeling like a little girl again. I sometimes find myself just sitting in those chairs and feeling so close to them both… my grandfather used to sit in one in the ;lounge with the sunlight always streaming through the lounge across his face and my grandmother would sit opposite him. That smell… it makes me feel so sad yet so happy and so close. I love the fact that I am able to incorporate those things that belonged to my grandparents into my very busy home her in the UK. It is a tie that I have back to my family so far away. Just thinking about it now as I type this up I realise that I have quite a few of their things… I also have my grandfather’s rocking chairs that he used to have in his study. I used to love sitting on these or sitting on his lap in his rocking chairs. They have long since been recovered and sit proudly in my kitchen area now with the kids always climbing all over them and every so often I smile and then tell them all about my grandfather.
I know my darling cousins will remember these items and some of the eccentricities and maybe I just wanted to remind them about these things… they are not gone…. they are here but so too is the memory of our grandparents not gone.. or rather I hope not…
So for you all my darling cousins wherever you find yourselves in the world, smile, think about how “crazy” they were and actually all those times long ago that we all had together! I miss you all!
xxx T
Just Me... 