Honestly… I simply do not have the faintest idea where time has gone? It has just magically disappeared into a hazy fog.
I had no idea that it had been so long since I posted but thought that I had better make an effort again. Thank you to all of you who have kept “bugging” me …. I do find it quite amusing at times that ones’ day to day ramblings can be so interesting to others… but I must err on the side of caution here as I recently discovered the nasty side of facebook.
Simply put… if you do not understand how it works… ie I am not personally sending you a message by updating MY status… then you should not be on facebook…. or any other public forum for that matter. Nor do I take to it lightly when someone uses MY status from a happy event to be malicious to a third party… result… you are defriended….
I had no Idea what I was going to blog about this evening, perhaps the glorious joys of staying in pj’s with the kids till midday on a grey half term day… or perhaps my exploits at trying to bake the perfect macaroons like Laduree… but clearly this is taking me down a different route.
I think sometimes that programme on telly… yes you know the one…. “GRUMPY OLD WOMEN”… was written with me in mind. I find myself nodding in agreement to just about everything and throwing in a “hell yes” at the appropriate moments. Its at this point when kiddies slink off to bed and dear husband makes a hasty retreat to the safer confines of the study or other telly.
Maybe I am going through a mid life crisis? Who knows? Who cares? One thing I do know is that life is way too short to waste. To short to waste on people that continue to hurt us… cut them out… rather surround yourself with people who make you laugh till you cry and cry with you till you laugh once again.
People who still find the joy in simple things… like leaf rain in autumn… cold misty mornings, coffee by the fire… and yes drooling over those beautiful rows of perfectly shaped macaroons in all their glorious colour.
I was having a particularly bad monday a few weeks back and on the cold wet dark school drive as I was about to leave… a knock at my window…I looked out to find a beautiful friend standing in the rain clutching a bag in her outstretched arms… a little green bag… a little bag from Laduree … all for me. Nicola had been in London at some point the weekend and had thought of me… such a small gesture had such an impact on my day! Nicola you are a star! Thank you!
I know in the past I have often written about friendships, and this time is no different. I have such an amazing and diverse group of friends. But at the same time I have been re-evaluating friendships or I should rather say relationships with others. I’ve been cutting down my friends list on facebook…. re writing my address book… and having a good long hard look at current relationships that have just continued because of ” history”. Why do we feel that we “have to” stay friends…?
Peoples’ lives change, circumstances or simply people change. It is our right to change to grow to be… be who we want to be. I firmly believe that we continue to evolve and change our personalities included, till the day we die. People get divorced and move on after a few years and “get over it” so why should we stay “partnered” with the same friend for life… when they hurt us or do despicable things?
I have over the years cut people from my life but usually only at the insistence of my husband. He finds it much easier to just move on… I still always think of the what if’s and but’s… however I am learning…
And then there ARE those friends who you hardly ever speak to or even see…. but when you do, you just pick up and carry on from where you left off… those are the best friendships… true friendships… nothing expected… just pure joy and happiness at seeing each other again. I am so fortunate to have a number of those!
Which leads me on to such a terrible awful topic…. the dreaded… family… oh yes… we do all have some sort of family but one thing we all have in common are family “issues”… and its just simply expected that you HAVE TO LOVE YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR EXTENDED FAMILY FOREVER AND EVER….. huh…. duh…. why?…. I did not choose you… you just came along with the package…. friends are chosen… family not…
Now before I go on….I do dearly love my family… well most of them… eccentrics… normal?… even the odd fruitloops…. but I also just don’t relate to a few… quite simply… and after years and years decided that neither they nor I was going to change and they were making my life and the lives of those around me miserable…. even though I live thousands of miles away in a different country. Such is the “strength” of an acidic relationship. I decided that enough was enough and made a conscious decision to cut ties… and we have all bee so much the happier for it. I know the sayings… “blood is thicker than water” etc … but you know what you need water to survive to live to be clean… and thick blood is no good to me …. it is sticky and gooey and old…and it kills….
What I was not prepared for however was the fallout from my decisions… how all of a sudden other family and family friends “took sides”… strange though as it may seem, they to this day do not know why I made my decision. That decision was between my husband and myself …. not for coffee table or shall we say trans atlantic telephone conversations…. tell you what, this family have supersonic communication between Africa, USA and the UK… just don’t mess with their telecommunications!
Extended “family” and friends all of a sudden just simply cut ties with us… literally within hours of my decision… they played judge and jury… at first I could not understand it… and it did upset me… but with my darling husband continually reassuring me… I have finally come to realise that you need to do what is right in your soul, what feels right and not what is “expected”.
I have never been one to “do as I am told”… this post comes at a time when I have my own children wanting to know why people can be nasty and yet we are always told we HAVE to still be friends and we have to be nice….?
Be yourself, be TRUE to yourself, and live your life with love and happiness and if you are as fortunate as I am to have the most wonderful parents, sister, husband and friends… well then its all the more worthwhile… what a blessing that I have them as true friends because I WANT to… and not because I “HAVE TO”…
